not as dead as advertised

Waiting on the mat,

reaching to knock on my door,

little dead brown bat.

On the way to work one Thursday i opened my door to this sight.

Why is a bat out of its home in the dead of winter?
Alone?
How did it get into the house?
Why does it look like it was crawling toward my door?
What killed it?
What am i gonna do with a bat body?
Is this going to make me late for work?

I fetched a paper towel to be its wee funeral shroud and long handles tongs to pick it up since i didn't know if there were diseases involved. Of course, Mr Bat had a death grip on the mat fibers with his claws so i had to kinda pry each hand off which caused him to flip on his back and start moving.
NOT DEAD, PEOPLE, NOT DEAD

And that quickly it went from a clean-up to a rescue operation.
Find a small box, punch holes, line with paper towels, scoop Mr. Bat into the box, give him a little massage to warm him and get the blood moving and then shred more paper towels over top to hold in the heat.
At the emergency vets i got the number of an injured wildlife shelter and headed off to work with my bat in a box. (i told the vet tech, I found an injured bat. to which she said Is it alive? Honestly lady? I am at the vet's, holding a box with holes in it, do you think it is alive?)
I was able to nurse him through most of the day, but his condition was too severe. At least i know he expired in comfort instead of in the hallway.

PSA: taking an injured bat in a box to work in NOT a good way to find out your boss is terrified of all flying animals

what i found waiting for me at work this morning

UPDATED!

Ho Ho oh No

Aaaaaand have a good day.

Breaking news people: i just SOLD that giant santa head to a gentleman for his youth group's White Elephant Christmas exchange on Wednesday.  Some local teen is going to end up with this monstrosity.
teehee
And yes Sheryl, it does indeed light up; we checked

quickly random

I am so excited by today's jewelry that I couldn't wait until the next jewelry round-up to share.

I found this crazy bow with a cascade of pink berries a few years ago. Having never seen anything like it before and it being the just-right Niki price of $6 meant that it had to come home with me.
The intention was to wear it in my hair, but the right outfit never came along.
Last night I decided that i wanted to wear this super soft burgundy sweater for the first time this season - i love, love, love sweaters and welcome each one back joyously when i put it on for the first time - and thought the pink button-down and jeans would compliment it nicely.
Then realized that this was the right outfit finally for the crazy pink berry pin. I am so happy to finally have a chance to see how cool it hangs that i actually got up earlier than necessary to get dressed.
So happy.

Yesterday i trimmed my hair and added some more layers.
It looks pretty cute, but the cutting was prompted by a philosophical conundrum. The cooler weather has really made it nice to wear bouncy,  haphazard curls -yes, i am probably the only person who purposely makes her hair look haphazard- but a few days ago something crazy was going on with my hair. One side was perfect and the other was a train wreck.
I mean, what was i supposed to do with that?
Just average my head?
After thinking about that for a while i decided the easiest course of action was simply to cut my hair.

Is there anything cuter than wee, tiny baby animals?
This ginger kitten was less than 10 days old and could barely open its eyes.
Love it.
It took a lot of will power not to adopt him .












Speaking of love, have i ever mentioned my affinity for polishing silver?
No?
That is probably because i hate polishing silver.
As a kid i didn't really like it.
But then i decided that it was cool to watch the glean emerge from the grime.
Well into adulthood i liked polishing.
Until i worked at an antique store where i stupidly admitted to liking it.
Guess who polished all the time?
For hours on end?
Now even the smell of polish makes my hands itch.
Blech.

Wanna guess what i am avoiding right now by writing this blog post?

umm, thank you?

I had another post planned for today,
but when I got to work I found that some kind, generous soul had left a big chunk of a car on the stoop.

That is freakin' random, even for Hampden.
It had obviously been carefully placed there.
It is 15 feet from the road.
Nicely balanced like a dirty plastic rainbow.
On the top step, no less.
You know there has to be a story, probably involving cheap wine and/or crappy beer.
Or a herd of evil unicorns.
Or maybe aliens.

reality is funnier than fiction

So how about this heat?
(statement in compliance with internet mandate that one must comment on the obvious)
The temperature is oppressive and horrible, but it IS July;
 one expects Maryland the be a humid furnace in July.
Drastic temperatures bother me more when they are unexpected: those sudden steamy or frigid days in Spring and Autumn that just  pop up, make you miserable and then disappear.
There was a stretch of four such icky days in May.
Coincidentally it was also the week that the AC broke at the Parisian Flea and that there was a photo shoot scheduled for the Baltimore Sun.
The pictures were to accompany this story about formal 1920's style parties.

Which means tuxedos.

Tuxedos in unseasonable heat.

Tuxedos in unseasonable heat without air-conditioning.

Here is the published photo of my boss, Andrew, by Gene Sweeney Jr.

He looks so dapper, right?


What you can't see is me hiding behind the sterling cases laughing hysterically and then calling Andrew's name to take this picture:

The best part of the shoot -besides the surrealistic hilarity of the whole thing- was that all of the champagne saucers were filled with real champagne which the three of us then drank, toasting to anything that popped into our heads.
Mayhaps that was a contributing factor to the hilarity.

Bastille Day sale

UPDATED

I spent the entire day sorting and pricing vintage jewelry at my Thursday gig -
The Parisian Flea in Hampden.
sigh... so many lovely, sparkly things

Bastille Day is Sunday

and the store is celebrating all this weekend.

The kickoff tomorrow night will feature

champagne and fabulous deals.

 

Andrew hasn't announced all of the sales yet, but I can give you an inside scoop that costume jewelry will be on sale and that there are a lot of pieces for sale that haven't been seen before.

A LOT of pieces.

Trust me on this one; I think I touched more cool jewelry today than I have in the last two months.

Go say HI to Andrew, have some champagne and for the love of Pete

 buy some jewelry -

I have to put away any of the stuff I got out today that doesn't sell.

source

  Here is the list of what's on sale this weekend;
 I think Andrew has lost his mind.

 

Welcome to my mid-life crisis

 I've worked at the same place since college (except for the 94-95 school season).
I spent my entire 20s and 30s there.
 On the last day i was in the office my boss said that he felt like he had raised me from a pup.
What i'm getting at here is that my job was all i've known for a long, long time.
All you have to do is look at my blog's tag cloud to see how much i loved it and how central it was to my existence.
Losing it was like losing a chunk of me - a BIG chunk of me.
It was like losing my identity.
Almost a month later i am still struggling with the loss, finding myself starting to say "my museum" or "at work" or "we"and having to remind myself that i am no longer a part of that community.
I've had a job since i was 17; sometimes 2 or 3 jobs at a time in fact. The longest i've been unemployed was a horrible 2 week stretch in 1995 that i luckily don't remember very well.
I was at a loss of what to do or where to go or who to be.
As you know, Douglas whisked me away to Las Vegas so that i could by turns dazzle and distract myself and mope in luxury.
 It was good to not be alone.
 After a week we were able to start talking about what i should do. He asked me a lot of tough questions like what did i want and what do i love and what would i do if i could do anything and what are my dreams and what keeps me from following them. Sometimes i over thought things and became distressed. Sometimes i had no answers. But all of the talking led to some epiphanies and the formation of a plan.
This is a hopefully comprehensive short-term plan to help me get to a long-term plan.
Besides my former profession, the things i love the most- that truly move me- are art and charitable service.
In part one of The Plan i focus on my art by reestablishing my Etsy store, participating in several craft shows/fairs and finally looking for a permanent physical location to house and sell my wares.
Part two of The Plan has me volunteering at various local organisations. What i really want is to save the world, but that is simply not practical. To make a real difference, one has to have a specific cause, population or idea to champion and by volunteering at places like the Maryland Food Bank, Art for Heart and the Red Cross i will try to see if the non-profit world might be my next step.
The Plan is set for a six month duration (August-January) as that is long i can afford to give myself over to chasing my dreams.  I realize that six months is not very long and that especially the art portion won't take off big in that time frame. However, it will let me at least dedicate myself to trying and getting some things established that i haven't had the time for until now.
Who knows what will become of me in February.
I won't even speculate.
I do have two backup plans, though - move in with Ron and become a server at the Eldersburg Pizza Hut or move in with my Grandpa in Ohio - so no matter what happens i feel confident that i won't end up homeless.
The next six months will be the chance i've been waiting for or unmitigated disaster.
Either way, it is sure to be an adventure and probably a good story to tell at family gatherings 20 years from now.

fickle finger of Fate

This is the post where i am supposed to be announcing my new job.

Yep, i was leaving outreach.

That's probably an 8.5 on the Shock-O-Meter so i'll give you a moment to come to terms with a world where Niki does not go into schools and blow things up for children.
Here's a picture of a thoughtful llama to assist you.

My museum is undergoing a radical change in philosophy and program delivery that is exciting and cool.
For the last two months my boss, Pete, and I have been working on taking me out of outreach and putting me into the museum in some sort of program managery-type of job. He wanted my skills and i wanted a change. Don't get me wrong, i love outreach; i just felt like there was no challenge in it any more. So i've been pulling away slowly, giving my staff more and more responsibility in anticipation of me not being in charge anymore.
Pete and I met last week to hammer out some final details about the change so i posted that an announcement was forthcoming here in the Nikiverse.
About five hours later, Pete told me that the PTB killed the deal and were dismissing me from the museum.

Yep, i'm fired.

Here's a picture of a baby pig for you.



originally found at gruntleme.com

 I prayed for change.
Mayhaps i should have been a wee bit more specific.

I will not pretend that my heart isn't broken.
I love that museum and i believe completely in its mission.
I feel banished from my home.

However, my spirit is NOT broken.
This is an opportunity.
I wanted change and i got it in spades.
I can go anywhere.
I can do anything.
I can be anything i want.

My quote still stands.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Life is forcing me to go elsewhere, to rethink how i identify myself.

I have no clue what is next, but i choose to be hopeful instead of broken.
No one can take that from me.

whadya do today?

Truly my favorite thing about my job is the variety of my days.
In preparation for the summer at work, i've spent the afternoon researching thermite, guillotines, black powder, strandbeests, zeusophones, induction heaters, microwaving various objects and a cardboard arcade.
Just try to imagine what that list of things have in common.

complete randomness

Yesterday it was 86 degrees; today it is 56.
Welcome to spring in Maryland.

I had a show this morning (what idiot authorizes Saturday morning shows? oh, yeah...) and it was the same one where i got a touch electrocuted yesterday. I'm glad that i had to do the Jacob's Ladder again right away cause if i'd had to wait more than 20 hours i might have really psyched myself out. I was so skittish about testing it before the show that TM Chris actually laughed at me at one point. Good news, though - it worked perfectly, just like the hundreds of other times i've done it and no alternating current entered my body.

This is one of the ugliest flowers i have ever seen.
It is huge and kinda impressive in its weirdness.
One of my dad's friends grows them in his cool butterfly garden.
I don't remember what it is called, but it goes to prove that beauty really is in the eye of the beholder because it is quite popular with insects.
Maybe it has UV markings that attracts them.
Did you know that some insects can see in the UV spectrum?
Science is awesome.

When i was trying to remember the name of that hideous brown flower i did a Google image search with the parameters "pitcher shaped flower brown with yellow veins" and pretty close to the top i got this:

Really, Google? Try again.

I do not understand single ply toilet paper.
You aren't saving money or conserving resources cause you have to use twice as much, so what is the point?

I really like red hair.
I don't have many friends who are natural redheads,
but yet several of them have redheaded babies, like this little miss of Oregon Francie's:

Genetics is fun.











There is a new location of Sofi's Crepes in Belvedere Square,

 so now you can grab some crepes before or after your movie at the Senator.
As you can see, TM Katie's flabber was pretty much gasted [awesome phrase stolen from Jim Butcher and reworked to fit my needs] by the size and deliciousness of her Original with Bacon.
I am a bit embarrassed to admit that i've never been to the Sofi's by the Charles Theater -a Baltimore tradition- so this was a new experience for me completely.
I ordered like this Florentine beauty

which was tasty and a homemade butterscotch one that was hands-down the most delicious dessert i have ever eaten, ever.
Just be warned that there is a delectable, piping hot lake of butterscotch waiting at the bottom of the crepe, waiting to explode all over your uniform.

We celebrated Dash's second birthday last weekend and Kate made this great cake.
Yes, the pan did all of the tricky mouse shaping, but she piped on all of those delicious buttercream stars. My hand is cramping just thinking about it.





I've spoken before about about crazy school mascots that we encounter in our travels. Recently we were at a little private school that were the Panthers. That isn't that unusual, but check out this painting:

Is that not the smuggest expression you have ever seen?
He is painted on the wall where we were performing.
I felt like he was judging me during the entire show and distinctly found me lacking.
Oh yeah, Mr High and Mighty Panther? Well, you're... you're two dimensional!

Finally, i understand that we are a litigious society so there are warning labels on everything, but should anyone have to be told that it is a bad idea to put a mechanical hamster on his or her head?

That is all for now.
Return to your regular programming.
Thank you.

1 thing i do NOT like about my job

... accidental electrocution.

Totally my fault, no permanent damage and the audience didn't even know it happened, but
OUCH!
A girl can put up with nearly anything for a vocation that she loves, but dang it that hurt.

Oh well... i got the feeling back in my hand so i guess it's all good.

Remember people, do not try to plug in and start a Jacob's ladder in the dark with a fiber optic lamp in your hand just because it looks better without the lights and you're trying to be slick; wires could be draped on transformers and a spark could jump right to you. That's bad.

Today's Public Service Announcement has been brought to you by Nikola Tesla and Show Adrenaline Anonymous.

snort, snort, snortle

Geeky, science humor slays me -for obvious reasons.
The R&D team has been working on a science humor experience and i can't get this joke out of my head:

Two atoms are walking along when the first atom exclaims, I've been robbed; someone took one of my electrons.
The other atoms asks, Are you sure? and the first one replies, Yes, I'm positive.

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Honestly, it busts me up.
For the last week it has been playing in my head.
Sometimes i will be sitting in the van or reading a book or doing sudoku -minding my own business- and a little voice inside -with no warning- says Yes, i'm positive, sending me into a fit of giggles.
Then people look at me like i am deranged.
This is a problem.



Yes, i'm positive.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

you know you are surrounded by crazies when...

on the notice board by the staff elevator

... and the best part is that people are taking them.

why i love my job, part947

Since it is a school holiday, I'm in the museum today.
Last week the director of education bought a small digital synthesizing oscillator and i decided to take it out on the floor to play with teach kids about sound.
That is cool.
Then he brought over a multi-key analog oscillator so that i could play with teach kids about the difference between analog and digital.
That is even cooler.
I had everything set up on a cart with speakers and an amp, but needed an extension cord. While searching in the back, back, back of storage, guess what i found.

Go on... guess...


What could possibly make my explainer about sound even better?



Did you say a big honking drum?
Cause that's what i found in the back, back, back of storage.

squeal!
A double-head, shoulder-slung drum that MATCHES MY UNIFORM!
So today i got paid to go play with teach families about different ways to make sound: physically, electronically and digitally. We were jamming. At one point a 2 year old was banging the drum from his stroller and smiling maniacally like a rock star.
Plus, now i have a drum by my desk.

CRAPUARY!!!

...shaking my fist at the sky

sigh...
This is my desk right now:

Because this is the ceiling over my desk right now:

I can't go home cause i have a performance at 5:30 (for 7 interns; yes, SEVEN), but i can't get anything productive done, either.
I've had an allergy attack cause of the mildew from the leak and had to change my clothes due to an unrelated incident and sat in a meeting about governmental reports about blah blahblah something.
BLECH

as if i couldn't love my team more

Right before i left for work for the holiday, i rearranged the schedule so that i could take 2 full weeks (plus 1 day) off. But, there was a show on Friday (tomorrow) that i had to perform because there weren't enough people trained for the bookings. Today i called TM Joey to find out what time we needed to leave for the show tomorrow and he was all, What show? You're not on a show tomorrow. Katie learned that show. In my notes, you are off tomorrow.
?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
That's right, people; the team got the shows covered and i don't have to go to work until Monday.
That will make 18 days off in a row!
It is the longest i have been out of the office since, well, ever.
sigh... i love my team
Thanks to whomever had the idea, anyone who helped with training and to TM Katie for learning the only show that can actually kill the performer if you screw up.

i want a punkin pyramid

So the weather has been really odd the last few months, right?
It snowed before Halloween and it was in the 60's in December.
But it has meant that we've been able to adventure during lunch longer into the school year than normal.
A few weeks ago TM Joey and I were in a more rural part of Maryland and as we passed an orchard stand i spotted a big pumpkin pyramid set off on the side of the road.

That was certainly cause for a U-turn, which i did while shrieking Punkins! Punkin Pyramid! because it was December and you don't expect to see pumpkins in December and it is a well known fact that i loves me some punkins.

Meanwhile Joey is like Wait... what are you talking about?

When we pulled into the parking lot of the Catoctin Mountain Orchard i was besides myself with joy and he was giving me a strange look; How did you even SEE this from the other side of the highway?
To which i could only answer How did you NOT see it?

i am on tiptoes trying to be as tall as a cheeky anthropomorphic apple;
there are so many things wrong with that

Farmer Joey

Farmer Crazy-Eyes Gonna-Kill-You



educational flip signs; YES!



though even the signs couldn't make me understand this concrete cup tree



The education department gets a new pet

One day in the office Lt Com Laura was working at her desk...


ummmmm...Laura?
you might want to look behind you



What the...?
There's a giant airborne shark in my cubie!

Luckily, we discovered that he is a good, kind, giant airborne shark.



I'm gonna love him and hug him and call him Bruce



















In fact, he is a classy guy who prefers white bow ties when not swimming through the lobby high over the visitor's heads:

Would you care for a cuppa?



best.quote.ever.

Do you get fan mail at your job?
I do.
Honestly, i think everyone should.
Imagine how much happier the world would be if people got hand-written notes that said things like, Thanks for delivering that letter to me, Way to design that kickin' website, Tax accountants rock my world, Nobody rings up my Twinkies better than you, or Yes, i DID want fries with that - you're like a mind reader, thanks.
On the team we call fan mail "love letters" and this week i received a packet of amazing letters and drawings from a fifth grade class. The last few years i have been despairing that spelling, grammar, punctuation and handwriting do not seem to be taught at all in schools any more so i was delighted that these were legible, understandable and even articulate. Plus there were fabulous drawings of explosions (it was after a chemistry show).
There were great quotes about wanting to be a scientist and how much fun the show was and how we showed them that "science isn't just boring stuff" (yikes; you know a piece of the teacher's heart died when she read that one) but about halfway through the pile i came across the quote that is so hyperbolic, so freaking fabulous that the Asst Dir of Guest Services thinks that we should put it on  t-shirt:
...that was the best hour of school that has been or will be at {school name}.
You wonder why i chose to work a job with terrible hours and crappy pay - THAT's why.

the last day of Movember

Do we all know how much i hate facial hair?
I despise it.
There are some ethnicities and cultures where facial hair looks good on a man, but pretty much anyone with European genetic stock should just not bother, in my opinion, unless he is actually a Viking. And i really, really hate it when a guy tries to grow facial hair to look older cause you know what, you look like a young guy trying to look older - stop it.
Which is why it might shock some to know that i supported both male members of my team growing 'staches for Movember. If you haven't heard of it, in Movember, men grow mustaches to raise money and awareness for men's health issues, like prostate cancer. How can i not support prostate cancer awareness, even if it makes me cringe when i look at them?
However, i am very glad that tomorrow is shaving day because not only did my two do it, but two other members of the Education Department grew mustaches along with them. shudder
For more information, to make a donation or simply to laugh at them, you can find TM Chris' team under TSP and Friends.