Reality Check

When describing me few people would be tempted to use the words innocent or naive. I've lived quite a bit of life in my 35 years. Don't get me wrong, there are still a lot of new experiences - good and bad - waiting for me, but it does surprise me when i run across something that is not only new, but also life-altering. I have been a supervisor for 5 years and 10 months. Today is the first time I have fired someone. I believe it might be the first time someone has ever actually been fired from TSP, ever. There was one person who was laterally moved in the department and then didn't bother to show up for work. There was one person who resigned before i had the chance to fire him. There was one person who we agreed it was time for us to part ways. But never has someone been flat-out terminated. I feel sick in my heart. He deserved it. I do not doubt that my actions were correct and justified. He wasn't even surprised. But i still feel sick. This was the best - and i feel only - decision for my team. I believe i handled it professionally. It was still one of the most horrible things I have ever done. My boss tried to give me perspective by saying that it is experience that makes us whole people. I know that he is right. I am a different person now than i was two hours ago; part of me just wishes that this type of growth didn't hurt so much. Then again, maybe life hurts in order to get our attention and let us know that something important is happening. I apologize for this reality check. The Nikiverse will be back to adventure and glitter-ponies tomorrow, but for tonite, i think i'm gonna drink alone in the dark and learn from this pain.