using the emotion instead of drowinig in it

I saw an interesting quote on Twitter yesterday by C. Joybell C.

Don't be afraid of your fears. They're not there to scare you. They're there to let you know that something is worth it.

huh.
I've spent a goodly portion of the last year afraid:
What am I going to do?
Am I making the right decision?
What if I run out of money?
What if I wait too long and can't find a job?
What if no one likes my work?
What if people laugh?
Should I expand?
Should I show my art?
Should I find a physical location?
Am I nuts?
And on and on and on.
Quite a bit of the time I can deal with the fears one by one and slay them with truth, but sometimes they gang up on me. I suppose that everyone has those moments of fear and doubt when they wonder about the validity of their choices and the worth of their life, it just all feels so different to me since I used to be so sure about those things.
Which is why I love, love, love this quote.
If none of my decisions mattered there would be no fear.
 But they do matter.
And this adventure that i'm on -though terrifying- is worth it.
It really is.

don't let the Dark in

We are at T-minus 4 days until i need to be ready for the set-up at the jewelry show.
Things are moving along nicely in the studio, there is a doable plan in place, ideas about displays are coming together and i am taking the next two days off from work to make the final push.
Yet still i'm scared.

What if i run out of time?
What if i run out of supplies?
What if no one likes my line?
What if i don't sell anything?
What if the other vendors are stand-offish?
What if my stuff looks amateurish next to the professionals?
What if my friends at the store are embarrrassed by me?
What if my jewelry falls apart?

The questions become more and more ridiculous if i let myself dwell on the fear.
I know that it is the process that is important.
I know that taking chances are scary, but that it is better than being stagnant.
I know that to grow as an artist you have to push yourself past your comfort levels.
I know all of the right answers, but still i am scared.

This week's quote is a long one from the Dark is Rising series book Silver on the Tree by Susan Cooper about the folly of allowing fear to overshadow the joy of creation:

"So the Dark did a simple thing, he said. "They showed the maker of the sword his own uncertainty and fear. Fear of having down the wrong thing - fear that having done this one great thing, he would never again be able to accomplish anything of great worth - fear of age, of insufficiency, of unmet promise. All such endless fears, that are the doom of people given the gift of making, and lie always somewhere in their minds. And gradually, he was put into despair. Fear grew in him, and he escaped from it into lethargy - and so hope died, and a terrible paralyzing melancholy took its place."

Not this girl, people.
No paralyzing melancholy for me, no sir.
As a friend once told me, The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Let's push past the fear and get a move on!

powerlessness

I've lost my voice.
Me without my voice is like moni cheese without any cheese.
Asking me not to talk is like asking me not to breathe.
I even talk to myself, for goodness sakes.
Obviously my job revolves around my voice (luckily i don't have any shows today), but so does my personality. I am the person who always says Hello, How are you?, Have a nice day, Thank you, etc. I think it is important to be polite, but also to be personable; it is the tiny interactions that we have with the people around us that build the foundations of relationships. I just heard someone sneeze on the other side of the room and started to call out Bless You automatically and only stopped because the first syllable hurt my throat.
This is ridiculous, people.
My voice is one of my defining characteristics; without it i feel lost and awkward.
Plus, there is a tiny irrational fear way in the back of my mind whispering, What if it never comes back? What if you are mute forever? What in the world would i do, people?
I have to be at work today because there is a ton of things on my desk so i came prepared:

Not only can i try to act like myself, i can let people know why i am acting so strangely. Plus it is important that no one tries to talk to me; i may not be able to not talk back. I'm gonna need all the help i can get to make it through the day in silence.