Dory had the right idea

Our new quote is perfect for mid- February.

Or really any time. 

All times, in fact.

It comes from a book in one of my favorite series -the Dresden Files by Jim Butcher- called Death Masks and is self-explanatory:

It isn’t good to hold on too hard to the past. You can’t spend your whole life looking back. Not even when you can’t see what lies ahead. All you can do is keep on keeping on and try to believe that tomorrow will be what it should be – even if it isn’t what you expected. 

sometimes eyes are not enough

January is bleak, people, but February is even bleaker.
That's a cheery thought, no?
Grey day after grey day, bracing winds - blech!
Oh, it is gonna get worse before it gets better.
It is so easy to lose your sparkle, to get bogged down with the darkness and weather.
      Sometimes it seems like there is less joy, less laughter, less magic in the world this time of year.
How easy is it to just stop believing that the sun will come back, that flowers will bloom again?
How easy would it be to surrender our belief in wonder? To allow the winter air into our hearts and freeze our souls? To become jaded and hard?
   Joy is easy to come by in Spring, full of rebirth and Summer, blazing with sunshine and Autumn resplendent in color.
     Winter is when we must seek out beauty, search for happiness, put concerted effort into finding our joy. It is hard to see in this grey haze so we have to use all of our senses and our hearts and souls to overcome the mid-winter blahs.

It may be easier to give in to the apathy and stay in bed with fuzzy blankets up to our ears, but it isn't better.
This week's quote from the fabulous Newbery award winning book Flora and Ulysses by Kate DiCamillio speaks to me about the struggle to stay positive in this Winter world:

"Bah, cynics," said Dr. Meescham.

"Cynics are people who are afraid to believe."

Don't be afraid to believe in goodness, in happiness, in sparkle ponies.
Keep your heart open.

psssst: a girl might not just be talking about the seasons  :-)

no time to be bored

Our new Glimpse into the Commonplace book is a quote about boredom from a fine mystery novel i read last week recommended to me by my BFF, The Lake  House by Kate Morton.
I find that there is too much to do, too much to see and too many naps to be had in the Nikiverse for boredom to take hold for long. Sure, there are times when my thoughts wander in an endless loop, but luckily there is always something sparkly or odd about to catch mt attention.

Boredom, as her mother had always told them, was a state to be pitied, the province of the witless.

LOVE this picture. It is SOOC of an approaching rainstorm from last summer - look at how the fluffy white clouds seems to be battling the encroaching dark one.

Not just peanuts

Our new quote comes from George Washington Carver. Though known for inventing 300 uses for the peanut - including peanut butter, which he actually did not invent - Carver's most lasting contribution to America was probably the research and implementation of crop rotation in the South.
  As a professor at Tuskegee University, he encouraged his students (all male at the time) to strive towards gaining eight cardinal virtues:

• Be clean both inside and out
• Look neither up to the rich or down on the poor
• Lose, if needs be, without squealing
• Win without bragging
• Always be considerate of women, children and older people
• Be too brave to lie
• Be too generous to cheat
• Take your share of the world and let others take theirs

Though certainly fine life goals, the list is a bit unwieldy as a quote. Luckily, he nicely summarized that basic philosophy thusly:

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these.  

cheerful

With a new beginning comes a new quote from the commonplace book, this time from Charlotte Bronte. It pretty well captures the attitude that i am trying to nurture within:

Cheerfulness, it would appear, is a matter which depends fully as much on the state of things within, as on the state of things without and around us.

Amen to that sister, amen.

Do you have purpose?

The last few weeks have been doozies.
I think it is time to change my quote.
Take it away Mr. Ralph Waldo Emerson:

The purpose of life is not to be happy.
 It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

of closed doors and chipmunks

Alexander Graham Bell is famously quoted on the topic of opportunity:

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.

(it is also quoted as):

Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing that we see too late the one that is open.

Lately i have been hyper-focused on the sound of closing doors.

It seemed like that was all i could identify from the last few years:

-new job at work? SLAM, position never materializes

-continue in the field anyway? SLAM, you're fired

-golden opportunity to start a business? SLAM, depression takes hold

-business finally getting off of the ground? SLAM , business partner dies without a will

-travel to New Zealand? SLAM, travel companion dies (same guy) 

-work tirelessly on inheritance claim? SLAM, uncle he saw once in 20 years gets the money

-have regular customers and custom orders? SLAM, complete creative shut down

-several part-time jobs keeping impending financial doom at bay? SLAM, laid off

-creativity returns in time to augment income? SLAM, apathy

-finally turn the corner and start registering for the festival season? SLAM, broken shoulder the very next day

Obviously there was a lot of time in between all of those SLAMs.

Certainly good things happened along the way.

Definitely there are hundreds of millions of people -heck, billions of people- living in far worse circumstances.

Knowing those statements are true is easy, but believing them is a bit harder when you are in pain, forced to sit still in a sling, staring at the walls. 

Slipping from unhappiness into self-pity into depression into wallowing is startlingly simple and quick. My natural optimism and can-do attitude was simply no match for it.

For me the last eight weeks have been one long blur of timeless suckage.

But the other day i had a sparkle pony moment that changed everything.

Pulling into my driveway i saw a squirrel and a chipmunk running together from the house into the woods.

What were those two animal doing together?

Were they playing?

Were they racing?

Were they going for the same nut?
Were they in love?

They looked so ridiculous that i laughed out loud.

Later i started thinking about how much i like chipmunks, with their tail-high zippiness and then realized that i hadn't seen any this season.

Or last season.

In fact, i'm not sure when i last saw a chipmunk in my yard.

The next day i saw a pair of chipmunks.  I don't think i have ever seen two chipmunks that were obviously working and playing together. 
It made my withery, shrouded heart leap for joy.

Leaning out the window to see them better i noticed a flurry of motion in the trees. It was a group of finches flitting about, enjoying the lovely autumn day. That reminded me of the day i performed in PA with a serious fever and thought i hallucinated gold finches until fTM Matt took a picture of them to prove to me that they were real (which is a happier memory than it sounds).

And i cared again.

Just like that.

I could see the open door.

determination

I haven't changed my quote for quite a while because nothing jumped out and spoke to me when i flipped through my commonplace book.
{and, mayhaps i couldn't find my commonplace book for a goodly amount of time}
       Anyhoo, i've been doing a lot of cleaning and purging and rearranging as i prepare the studio to offer classes, running across pieces of my past that make me laugh, cry and feel bittersweet.
This evening i found a quote from Martha Washington that i'd scrawled on a receipt at some point which never got copied into the book. It captures how i feel at this moment:

I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition.

I will not claim that it is always easy to look for the silver lining or keep your eyes open to beauty when you are surrounded by bleakness or filled with doubt, but it is important to me to always at least try.

nice hat

I've had a great, productive week getting ready for the first festival of the season -

Catonsville Arts and Craft Festival;

Sunday Sept 8th;

i'll be next to Objects Found.

I mean, I love the pieces that I've made and am excited about new displays and am generally stoked about NikCo.

Last night the productivity train jumped its tracks when I realized that a nice couple that I had talked to for about 10-15 minutes yesterday at work had actually been playing me and stole some expensive merchandise.
Nothing makes you not want to be optimistic like watching security tape to find the moment where other human beings take advantage of your basic kind nature to their own nefarious ends.
No, that does not inspire optimism.
It inspires nausea and sleeplessness.
It inspires crying for hours because how can people BE like that?
It inspires free-floating anxiety and mistrust, as well as general malaise.
It inspires lethargy and depression.
It inspires self-loathing and disdain for the entire human race.
It inspires helplessness, hopelessness and an overwhelming need to run away to New Zealand and change my name to Gertie.

Sitting here trying to cobble together a Friday Randomness post I couldn't think of a single cheerful, silly, funny, interesting or odd thing to write. All I could think about is how it always seems like whenever I am happy and on-course something always happens to make me doubt myself, my choices and my entire world view.
Cheery, isn't it?
Aren't you glad you checked out The Nikiverse today?

Then I remembered the bookmark I used to have clipped to my file boxes at work:

All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.
- St. Francis of Assisi

Optimism is a choice.
It is a silly choice.
It flies in the face of all evidence.
It is ridiculous.
But it is still the best choice.

using the emotion instead of drowinig in it

I saw an interesting quote on Twitter yesterday by C. Joybell C.

Don't be afraid of your fears. They're not there to scare you. They're there to let you know that something is worth it.

huh.
I've spent a goodly portion of the last year afraid:
What am I going to do?
Am I making the right decision?
What if I run out of money?
What if I wait too long and can't find a job?
What if no one likes my work?
What if people laugh?
Should I expand?
Should I show my art?
Should I find a physical location?
Am I nuts?
And on and on and on.
Quite a bit of the time I can deal with the fears one by one and slay them with truth, but sometimes they gang up on me. I suppose that everyone has those moments of fear and doubt when they wonder about the validity of their choices and the worth of their life, it just all feels so different to me since I used to be so sure about those things.
Which is why I love, love, love this quote.
If none of my decisions mattered there would be no fear.
 But they do matter.
And this adventure that i'm on -though terrifying- is worth it.
It really is.

just a little longer

The Plan was to give myself six months to get NikCo up and running.
At the end of that six months I found that I still had so much to do and had been frugal enough that I could give myself six more months.
In 21 days that six months will be over.
What to do, what to do.
It feels like things are finally starting to come together, starting to happen.
I have a clear vision of I want NikCo to be, what I want to accomplish.
Do I dare to keep to this path?
Do I dare to forgo the security of a real job?
Do I dare to pursue the dream?
You bet your bippy I dare.
This week's quote is from one of my favorite authors, Erma Bombeck. That lady could crack me up like no one else and in the next line bring me to tears.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.' 

note: Gotta acknowledge that I yesterday I was post-less. Congrats if you had July 9th in the pool. I'll see if I can get two out tonight to make up for it.

tidying up

Did a little spring cleaning on the blog today.
Yes, i am so far behind i am only getting to the spring cleaning on July 3rd.
The spring cleaning for 2009, that is.
A lot of it was behind the scenes stuff, but you might notice that both of my blogrolls are shorter. I still like the folks that were on the lists, but if the blogs aren't updated on a semi-regular basis they got cut.
Plus it was beyond time for a new quote. This one by William James is pretty self-explanatory:

To change one’s life:
1. Start immediately.
2. Do it flamboyantly.
3. No exceptions.

I feel like i have #2 pretty well covered.

a new quote

My beloved BFF told me the other day that i HAD to change my quote because it has been up for over a month so i looked and looked for something that spoke to me.
There has been a dearth of new quotes in the commonplace book as i think the last time i read a book was on vacation in February (and don't think that isn't making me kind of more insane than normal).  I had to resort to the internet and finally came upon this gem from Orison Swett Marison:

Obstacles are like wild animals. They are cowards but they will bluff you if they can. If they see you are afraid of them... they are liable to spring upon you; but if you look them squarely in the eye, they will slink out of sight.

hows about changing that quote, Nik?

This was not the best week in the Nikiverse.
It was rainy and grey and sleepy.
I felt sick and then i felt punk.
I was offered some opportunities that are exciting, terrifying and overwhelming -
you know, the mixture of emotions that makes one (read: me) crawl back in bed and pull the covers over one's head, but then not be able to sleep with all the planning and scheming running through one's head?
The six months for The Plan are almost over.
 (crap, that was fast)
Great strides have been made on both Part One and Part Two of The Plan. I am pretty happy with what i have accomplished since August, yet i am left with as many questions as before; they are just different questions.
sigh...
Cruising the YouTube as i am often want to do when taking a break (this time from moving furniture, see previous post) i came upon a version of Shake It Out by the Capital Children's Choir that is amazing and lovely. [btw, if you watch that video see the footnote]
Afterwards i went and listened again to the original version by Florence + The Machine.
There was all my unease and hesitation in the lyrics.
I love it when someone else's words capture my emotions; it is good to know you aren't the only one feeling a certain way.
And i really love her answer to it all - SHAKE IT OUT.
The link above has all of the lyrics to the song, but to be a bit more concise with this week's quote (and possibly this month's, given how i've been slacking about changing it) we're gonna go with:

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back,
so shake him off...

Gotta go dance, people.

footnote: did that little boy at the beginning of the video just slay you?
and how about that drum line? they were so freaking serious. did you see the two kids trying to do stick flips? hilarious. they need to watch my video of Ron from a few days ago
the guilelessness of the girls who can't stop themselves from swaying and dancing made me smile.

watch out, mountain

Things are quite busy in the NikCo studio having done a show last weekend, having one this weekend (details to follow in another post), one the following weekend and needing to do a shop update in the next two weeks.
Plus i have vowed to do at least 5 blog posts a week in November to work on the backlog - yes Rea, that means i might even finish Hawaii and maybe you'll see some  Alaska.
Soooo, i looked through my commonplace book to find a quote to capture the mood around here this week and found this gem from an episode of my favorite tv show, due South, called "Pizzas and Promises":

"Cliffs are for climbing, Lenny.
That's why God gave us grappling hooks."

finding my stride

It seems like i am finally falling into a routine of being self-employed, neither too slothful or too manic.
I've signed up for 2 more craft fairs next month, scheduled shop updates and continue to look for a physical space for the holiday season. But i am also getting enough sleep, enjoying my affair with the YouTube and getting out to see people a few times a week.
I debated about using this quote from one of my favorite book, Life of Pi by Yann Martel to describe how i feel right now. It could be read as if i am saying that i don't need help from other people -which is untrue and ridiculous on a number of levels- but i am really focused on the last line:
   

I should not count on outside help. Survival had to start with me. In my experience, a cast-away's worst mistake is to hope too much and do too little. Survival starts by paying attention to what is close at home and immediate. To look out with idle hope is tantamount to dreaming one's life away.

concentrating on today

I woke up this morning flipping out.
 Do you realize that is already October?
Do you realize that it is almost the second week of October?
Two of  my six months of The Plan are gone. That is one third, one third of my time gone.
Where did it go?
Yes, i've designed and created a second jewelry line and staged a pretty awesome booth at my first craft fair and turned the corner mentally on being self-employed instead of unemployed and helped a charity auction and driven across the entire continent, but somehow it didn't feel like enough laying in my bed trying to set priorities for today.
My Etsy store is supposed to reopen in 5 days - that's FIVE DAYS INCLUDING TODAY.
I had myself convinced that this was folly, that i am going to run out of time and money, that it makes more sense to find some boring, stable job with health insurance and a 401K.
What do you do when you are afraid and self-defeating?
I allowed myself to roll around in the waters of despair for about an hour, got up, did some crunches, meditated, prayed, put on music i love, ate moni cheese and looked for a quote in my commonplace book (since i havn't changed the Glimpses in the sidebar for about 3 weeks now; did i mention that i have 39 posts in the blog queue waiting to be finished?) to add a little perspective to the day. I found what i was looking for from Christopher Paolini's Eldest:

'You can do nothing about your condition, and you'll only make yourself feel worse. Live in the present, remember the past, and fear not the future, for it doesn't exist and never shall. There is only now.'

Where do i find overalls?

The Catonsville Art and Crafts Festival is next Sunday (Sept 9th for you locals) and i can feel myself gearing up, getting excited by the deadline. I really do thrive under pressure.
Though not my favorite scientist or inventor, Thomas Edison did sometimes have a way with words, so this week's quote from him speaks to exactly where i am in life:

The reason a lot of people do not recognize opportunity is because it usually goes around wearing overalls looking like hard work.

finding focus by changing locations

This week's quote from Neil Gaiman's Coraline is a direct answer to the quote about getting myself on track:

It is astonishing just how much of what we are can be tied to the beds we wake up in in the morning, and it is astonishing how fragile that can be.

This week i am waking up in a beautiful lodge in Gettysburg, PA.
 (more about that later)

Ron planned a little retreat for himself between the end of camp and the start of school, then he invited me along.
I packed four bags of piles of crap that need sorted, crafts that need finished, necklace pieces that need designed and beads that need earringed.
Being in my house, surrounded by so many possibilities was overwhelming, but here i have a finite number of things to work with and am finding it much easier to be productive.

the only wrong action is inaction

The hardest part of working at home for me has been scheduling.
I am a deadline person.
I am a girl who thrives under pressure.
I procrastinate. If there are 3 weeks to get something done I will think about it and plan for 2.5 weeks and get everything done in the last 3 days.
There are so many hours in each day now that i am not a job 7-11 hours each day.
Making myself get up in the morning when there is no meeting, no 500 children waiting for me is difficult.
There is so much freedom that it is kinda hard to pin myself down.
I want to do everything at once, so sometimes find myself doing nothing instead.
I never thought this would be easy, but i am surprised at just how hard it is to have the discipline for myself.
Which brings us to this week's quote from Norman Juster's infinitely quotable The Phantom Tollbooth:

"You'll find," he remarked gently, "that the only thing you can do easily is be wrong, and that's hardly worth the effort."