i don't wear green; i don't own anything green

All a girl wanted was a peacock blue nail polish.
Is that too much to ask?
Why does it always dry a different color?
You try to compensate for that, but sometimes you still

end up with this:

All day i lied to myself that it was a deep blue teal, but that, that is a green teal.
Even the added sparkles didn't help.
And when sparkles can't help, the situation is hopeless.

WHAT DO I DO?

I have a serious pet peeve about parking.
Obviously you need to be within the lines to be parked legally, but I really, really, really think people should park straight and in the middle of the space. Yes, it takes 5-7 extra SECONDS of your life to pull in, partially back out and pull back in straight and centered, but now everyone around you can get in and out of their car without banging doors PLUS others can use your car to judge the straightness of their own parking job.
It is not that hard, people.
This might be my strongest pet peeve - stronger than my archeology/paleontology thing, even stronger than my hatred of the word brontosaurus - as anyone who had to practice parking the vans for me can testify. For that reason I am a very deliberate parker.
Can you imagine my distress pulling into this nightmare of confusion?

Wha...?
There are multiple lines going in multiple directions, everything is faded and nothing lines up with the cement stops.
This is wrong on so many levels.
If I had yellow spray paint I would totally go remark this parking lot in the middle of the night.

why wasn't it on clearance?

With standing gigs at three different store, festivals, babysitting and housesitting I wouldn't know where I am supposed to be from hour to hour without my planner.
Last year I found the PERFECT planner: it is the right size for my purse, has monthly dividers for quick glances, has large boxes without lines, is spiral bound so I can tuck my pencil right in the binding, has heavy, protective covers and is even pink for goodness' sakes.
I love it.
However, it is a student planner, so July is the last month in my beloved planner.
sigh...
Last month I went to the same store where I bought my planner, but they didn't have any of the same design. They did have a jillion others so I spent over a half hour leafing through pages, fitting pencils, running pocket book tests, and generally trying to find an equivalent to what I have.
Finally I settled on an 18 month planner that is the same size, spiral bound, with both the plastic covers and large boxes; as an added bonus, it is burgundy. Plus, with it going from July this year through December of next year i'd be back on the regular world calendar instead of a school year calendar.
Yesterday I spent an hour modifying it to be exactly what I need:

- extraneous dividers and pages were cut out to make room for my pencil
- important pages were adhered to each other to give them extra weight
- all of the remaining pages were trimmed with a straight edge and exacto to make room for the tabs
- color  matched tabs were cut, labeled, and installed
It was perfect and ready to go to work.
I filled in all of my set work days for the next two months and then contacted Andrew to get his vacation dates.
That is when things started to get hinky.
He sent me dates that didn't match up with my calendar.
Of course he is also sick so I questioned and requestioned him.
After about 10 minutes of this I had a sickening epiphany:

It is a 2012/2013 book instead of a 2013/2014 book.
Mayhaps you are wondering how in the world I could have missed such a thing.
Did I mention that I looked through a jillion planners?
I must have just noticed the big 2013 on the title page and assumed it was July 2013 through December 2014.
Why wouldn't you title it "2012-2013 Planner"?
Besides, why would they have a planner on the shelves that is already 67% invalid?
Yes, it still had 6 good months in it, but you'd think they wouldn't be charging FULL PRICE for 6 months. One would think that the store would put something a full year past its starting date on sale. If there had been a sale sticker on it I would have examined it a bit more closely.
So after all that work I didn't have 17 months prepped; I had 5 months.

AAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

After throwing a bit of a hissy in the studio and then placating myself by sharing sushi with fTM Amy I went to FOUR stores and still don't have a planner like the one that ends tomorrow.

I'll be right back.

Since yesterday I'd calmed down about it, but after typing out the story I was so incensed again that I ripped out all of the expired months from the burgundy planner.

mmmmmm...catharsis

 [it might not have been such a good idea to do it right over my lunch]
Now at least I have the next five months covered without the offensive pages mocking me every time I open the book.
That will give me time to contact the manufacturer of my pink planner to see if they still produce the model I love and if they sell it online.

A Tale of Two Drives

It is 420 miles to my mom's house: highway through Maryland, West Virginia, Pennsylvania, West Virginia again and Ohio, with the last 60 or so miles on a state route.
Yesterday when i drove home it took 6 hours and 45 minutes.
Driving there almost 2 weeks ago, however, took 12 hours and 15 minutes.
You see, it was snowing.
Not blizzard conditions, get out all the work crews, close the roads snowing, but steady, maybe we don't really need to salt the roads, doesn't look like a big deal so people drive like idiots snowing.
There was a fair number of accidents and by nighttime I-70 was actually a parking lot; i was playing MahJong on my laptop.
Plus, i had to go through Pennsylvania.
I hate PennDOT with a burning hatred of hate normally reserved for lima beans and people who wrongfully park in handicapped spaces.
PennDOT only plowed and salted to the last exit of I-70 in Pennsylvania, not to the PA state line.
Good luck with that drivers; maybe you should have stayed in PA instead of making a break for Wild and Wonderful West Virginia, they say laughing maniacally.
And that wasn't the only amazing PennDOT questionable call.
It was the Friday afternoon of a holiday travel weekend at the major juncture of two interstates (I-70 and I-79) in a snowstorm and there were lane closures due to construction.
Construction, people.
Late Friday afternoon.
Holiday travel weekend.
Snowstorm.
There was no freaking construction.
But there were a lot of cars smooshing down into one lane for absolutely no reason.
The best part? When i drove through on a bright, clear, sunny, ordinary Wednesday all the lanes were open even though all the construction equipment was still there, no work appeared to have been done and there was about one tenth the volume of traffic.
Well played, PennDOT; you continue to do the Confederacy of Evil Masterminds proud.

Holiday traffic.

Snow. Lanes closed on the highway.

PennDOT hates drivers.

CRAPUARY!!!

...shaking my fist at the sky

sigh...
This is my desk right now:

Because this is the ceiling over my desk right now:

I can't go home cause i have a performance at 5:30 (for 7 interns; yes, SEVEN), but i can't get anything productive done, either.
I've had an allergy attack cause of the mildew from the leak and had to change my clothes due to an unrelated incident and sat in a meeting about governmental reports about blah blahblah something.
BLECH

why i hate formatting changes

So i've been trying to catch up on blog post -per my 40 list- as there are, no joke, about 20 in the queue right now. Somewhat recently i changed over to the newer Blogger posting format. I really like that it is easier to hang pictures in text, put on captions, and edit within the blog, plus i super love that i can see an accurate post preview.
 However i don't like that you can't stack pictures or change a picture to non-text hanging without doing it in HTML and who has the time for that nonsense?
But, i had convinced myself that it wasn't that big of a deal.
Until now.
I had to look up an old post to answer a comment -Michelle, i have your hair picture answer in the comments of the Jewelry Roundup- and found that all of my old posts changed over to the new formatting.
Which totally screws up the spacing.
If you back-read, it now looks like i don't understand the concept of paragraphs and stick pictures in the middle of sentences for no reason.
Great.
I guess in my vast free time i'll go back and check the format on every single flippin' post - you know, there's only like 940 of them!
UUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

phew... just had to let that out... i might be over-tired... sorry

Why people, why?

This is the top of a cookbook i checked out of the library. Do you see all of those folded-down dog eared pages? There are over ten of them: we are talking double digits here, people. These are not accidental page folds, but crisp, precise diagonal page folds that someone did on purpose to mark recipes s/he wanted to try. I personally never fold book pages because i hate dog ears, but i don't care what you do to your own books in your own home.
This, however, is a LIBRARY book.
It does not belong to you, mystery-page-folding-person.
You were borrowing it.
Other people are going to use it after you.
You have damaged private property.
You didn't even have the courtesy to flatten the pages back down before you returned it.
What is wrong with you that you are so self-centered, self-involved that not only do you think it is okay to alter a library book, but it doesn't even occur to you that you should try to cover your tracks.
 UGGGGHHHHHH!
Stop being a selfish moron!

phew... i feel better; sorry you had to witness that fit, friends

Consider yourself off of the list

To: Entertainment Industry From: Niki RE: Unamused ********************************************************** Sirs and/or Madams- Really? Really?!? First you release my second favorite show - Farscape - on VHS. I did not buy it because i already had some crappy VHS versions that i taped off of Friday Prime when it was originally aired. Then, you released it on DVD, with each season broken into parts. I did not buy it because i did not own a DVD player. Then, you released the Starburst edition DVDs, with more special features. You know i can't resist special features. This time the seasons were packaged differently so even if one owned some of the original DVDs it would be impossible to supplement with the Starburst without missing or doubling episodes. Must you be so sneaky? Still, i only bought one cause they were pricey and i am frugal. Enter my good friend, but sometimes nemesis, EBay, where i could find some used copies in a more reasonable Niki price range. Then, you -oh entertainment industry- discontinued the Starburst editions and prices skyrocketed. The whole series is 12 DVD sets in the Starburst format and on EBay i saw ver1.1 top out at $119! What the hey?!? I can't afford 11 more sets at over $100 per set. Finally, after a year or so the prices settled a little bit. Slowly, but surely, like a giant tortoise i have saved and bid and waited and bid and have managed to get 7 of the 12 sets. At my current pace i am projected to have the whole collection in about 18 months after spending about 80 more dollars. When necessary i can have immense patience. So what the heck is THIS I hate you entertainment industry. Why must you betray me so? I waited and waited and tried to get the whole series as cheaply as possible and only after i am halfway there you release an entire BOX SET?!? It even looks like most of the special features are intact. And it takes up less room. AND it is only $100 at Sam's Club! I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. (foot stomping and general wailing here) I am a firm believer in capitalism and can appreciate the market economy, but must you so obviously be such money-grubbing, bottom feeders? I am happy to pay for your products, but stop offering 10 jillion versions of the same dang thing already. I have 3 versions of Star Wars, for goodness sakes. Just stop it. I am taking you off of the New Year's card list, Entertainment Industry, and i will not be attending your brother's wedding this summer. BTW, i want my Kenny Rogers cassette back and that scarf you borrowed last October. I'm not talking to you anymore.

POed, but determined

You know what, World?
I know that you are trying to stromp on my last nerve.
I know that you are trying to break me down with the "taking away a member of my team" crap and the "sort through 16 years of your life, reliving every victory and defeat" crap and the "heat going off 2 nights in a row in the apartment in the middle of January" crap and the "mom in the hospital" crap and the "losing your voice during a show" crap and the "you now have no voice, but are supposed to do 2 shows tomorrow" crap and the "staff bathrooms are broken; we don't know when they will be fixed" crap and the "i think my gym changed ownership; why do they have a new name; is my membership still valid" crap and the "can't find khaki work pants that don't make me look like an oompah loompah so i have to wear the same 2 skirts and wash 3 times a week" crap and the "have pictures for 5 blog posts but never seem to get around to doing it" crap and the "i know i've chosen to be poor, but this is ridiculous" crap and the "spell check doesn't recognize your language" crap and the "state tax return is literally 10 cents" crap and the "former co-worker has cancer" crap.
I know that you have turned me into a Crankenstein lately.
But i also know something you don't, World.
No matter how hard you try to push me down or how often you make me cry or how simply pissed off you make me,
i will win in the end.
How do i know that?
Because when you present me with a situation where we are late to a school, dealing with the world's most dour office secretary, setting up in a space as far away from anything like water or a bathroom as possible and there are no parking spaces left because the last one is half covered with a schmanky pile of leftover, plowed snow i will simply drive back and forth over the snow creating a space for myself.
I will not be denied, World.
You can make me feel awful for a period of time, but the sparkle ponies will always kick your a** in the end, World.
Always.

Empty desk

I've lost my Logistics Coordinator. I don't mean that the team member left. I mean that the position has been discontinued. The good news is that Wendy isn't going to be laid off; she's moving to Visitor Services tomorrow. The bad news is that management is taking a full-time position and spreading it across several people who already have full-time positions. I have faith that the staff in question will figure out how to get everything done without dropping any of my bookings or paperwork, but it is going to be a tough adjustment. Plus it is kinda not right to put more work on folks who are already underpaid. I am a team player and will take this hit for the greater good of the museum, but i just wanna go on the record as saying that THIS BLOWS.

mass frustration

I've been blowing off going to the gym since the holidays. Today was the day i returned triumphantly to my schedule. After waking up and doing crunches i dressed in ugly gym attire and drove to the gym. Which was closed. ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Closed for 2 days for renovations. Are you kidding me? Is this a joke? Fine, universe; have it your way. I went and got an egg and cheese biscuit instead.

I'd like to speak to someone...

about these deplorable working conditions! As if a Saturday morning show isn't bad enough, it was a Saturday morning show in the snow. Who books these things? Who schedules them? Who makes the decision to go any way despite the weather? Is he/she/it an idiot? I'm not gonna stand for this. Power to the people! Down with the man! oh... wait... I am the man. sigh

I'm NOT old (but i might be tired)

Finally, finally, finally finished editting, resizing, uploading, blogging and ordering pictures from the wedding.
phew...
That took a hot minute; stupid cold/flu/virus thing that kicked my butt this week.
This is the first chance i've had to really look at some of these pictures and it just struck me : at some point I must have gotten old.
Honestly, i don't feel very old.
I know that i'm lived a lot of life, but internally i just don't feel old. I feel more mature, more centered, more secure, less scattered, but certainly not old.
Yet somehow my nephews -whose births i remember like it was last year- look like this
What the heck?
When did this happen?
Matt is MARRIED?
David owns his own successful welding company?
When did they become grown-ups?
I taught them to tie their shoes, for goodness sakes.
If they are grown-ups, what does that make me?
Cripes.

Gold Stars for Grown-ups

I didn't go back to WTMD today.
I didn't make it to Red Cross, either.
 Instead i did laundry and sorted through storage boxes in the sun room. As i was moving box #563 it occured to me that being an adult kinda blows.
I mean, kids get gold stars in school and rewards for good grades. Sometimes you'd get extra allowance for taking on more chores. I remember George saying on her blog that Gaz earned her first Barbie by conquering potty training. Little kids even get prizes in their cereal.
Where are my gold stars?
Where are my prizes, people?
Adults are expected to do everything right all the time just because they are suppose to. We work our jobs and serve our communities and care for our families and maintain our homes because that is what you do in civilized society.
Now i know some people would say that being an adult gives you the right to buy whatever you want, whenever you want. Perhaps it is the deeply ingrained Protestant work ethic speaking, but buying myself something cool just because i want it seems pretty indulgent. Plus, you have to HAVE the money to buy stuff, right? In my monthly budget i give myself a personal allowance for movies or jewelry or gummi worms or what have you, but trust me, it is a small amount that i consider to be preventative maintenance for my mental health.
What i am talking about here is something you have to earn, something that is a reward for doing the things you might not really want to do. I'm not talking about things you do to be a functioning human like being sure your socks match, making your bed or flossing and i'm not talking about the things you do to be a better person like writing your grandparents, tipping the pizza man or donating at the Red Cross.
No, i'm talking about getting up early to do crunches every fricking morning before you get in the shower or remembering to bring the recycling home from work so that it doesn't barricade your desk or swiffering under the bed to get the ginormous dust bunnies instead of just cleaning the floor around the bed.
Well sometimes i don't feel like taking the trash out.
Sometimes i want to just throw away my yogurt containers instead of rinsing them for recycling.
Sometimes i want to tell civilized society to bite me.
That's right society; i'm talking to you - bite me!
But of course, i wouldn't really do that.
That is not the Niki way.
So i have hit upon the solution : gold stars for grown-ups. Not actual gold stars, mind you; i like gold stars as much as i like glitter ponies, but i am talking about something a bit more substantial. Over the summer i got massages on a pretty regular basis as part of my life reset/ stress detox regiment. But now that i am back in my real life there is little time and even littler funds for such extravagances. It is the perfect carrot to dangle on a stick in front of my inner 6-year old. I have devised a reward system that allows me a massage for every 150 points earned. I wanted the system to be reasonable and attainable, but not ridiculously easy, so it should take between 6 weeks and 2 months to reach the goal. That is enough time to save the money for the massage and really have to work at the goal, but not so long that i get disheartened.
This is totally doable.
It is important to do the right thing because it IS the right thing, but sometimes you gotta reward yourself a little, too. Now i just need to find a gold star goal widget for the blog. I'm off to sort, shred and recycle junk mail, people. (worth one point)

Wrong Idea

I have always been interested in theology. I am quite certain about my own beliefs, but am fascinated by other ways of thinking. I studied religion in school. I've had friends of all different faiths over the years and have enjoyed learning from them. I try to have an open mind and be respectful. But sometimes you encounter something that is just flat out wrong. In the pouring rain a little silver BMW zipped past me and i noticed that it didn't have Maryland tags. I looked closer and realized the tags said GOD'S BMW Wow. God's BMW? Which God would that be, sir? Cause my God came to Earth last time in relative poverty. I can't think of any god that exalts conspicuous wealth; I feel pretty certain that no god of any modern religion would drive around in a silver BMW convertible if s/he/it decided to visit this plane. Really. There is a Chinese God of Wealth (Tsai Chen...something... sorry, that class was a LONG time ago) but he's more about all around prosperity and is normally depicted riding a tiger (and don't try to convince me that that tiny silver car is a modern tiger, sir). And if you mean Pluto (cause he was the god of wealth) or Diana (cause she had a silver chariot) that would be god spelled with a little "g" sir. The bumper sticker on the car said "Call me crazy but i'm hearing God." Hmmmmmm... did this voice tell you that it wanted a BMW? Cause that isn't God, sir; that's you. You wanted a BMW convertible, not God. If that voice tells you that you'd look younger dating a 20-something model/actress, that's not God either, sir. When i told the story to team member Amy she said, "Wait. Does that mean he thinks he IS God, since it is his car?" Yikes; i hadn't even thought of that. Whatever the case, i think this guy has really, really gotten the wrong idea somewhere.

AAAAAAUUUGGGGHHHHHH

I got up and came to the library today to finish off the cruise posts. As i signed into a computer there was a notice that they were having some internet connection problems and it might be slow going. Whatever : beggars can't be choicers, i say. I spent the last hour on a post about food. When i hit publish, it disappeared. poof. gone. CRIPES! I fanatically hit the save button, plus blogger auto saves, but apperantly i wasn't properly connected so NONE of the changes are saved anywhere and i have to start over. Screw this noise. I'm going to get some breakfast and eat it in the sunshine.

Stupid reality

Merry Monday to all. I promise that we will get to a detailed breakdown of my cruise complete with 300 pictures (not an exaggeration), but frankly i am swamped right now. There is a ton of work to be done before i go to Florida on Thursday to see my mom. She is back in the hospital and probably going to extended care to fight MRSA on top of the bronchitis. I am also anxiously waiting to see if Rickki's re-herniated disc is gonna hold till her surgery at the end of the month. And since i still had a shred of energy left, Matt (not Matthew) was in a bike accident yesterday and i am waiting to find out if his jaw is broken, he needs oral surgery and/or he is in a coma from falling asleep with a concussion (okay, that last one is a little extreme; he probably just turned his phone off but i am stretched a bit thin at the moment). Not to mention in a case of supremely bad timing my beloved David is in town from Florida with Kaaren and the kids for Spring Break just as i have to unexpectedly fly to Florida. I haven't seen him in over a year and I am trying to find time to make it happen. People think i am ridiculous to think that bad things happen when i go on vacation, but HELLO! Anyhoo, to not totally buzz-kill your Monday here are some daffodils: and not just any old daffodils. These are miniature daffodils: How cute are those?

seething anger

My mother is epileptic; she has been since i was 11. The term epilepsy has a terrible connotation from the olden days when people who fell down and shook were locked away in sanitariums and shunned; we have all had to learn over the years how to get over that, especially mommy who remembers them there olden days. In reality epilepsy is a term that loosely defines many conditions that involve seizures. Mom's is from a brain chemical imbalance due to very localized brain damage from a blow to the head on a girl scout camping trip. It is controlled by medication and she lives a pretty normal life, except that she really has to watch getting too tired or stressed out cause if her chemistry goes out of whack she seizes. She has petite mal seizures which means she doesn't convulse or throth, instead she becomes completely unresponsive and loses muscle strength. It is upsetting to witness cause one minute she is my mommy and the next there is no one behind her eyes. She hasn't had any serious incidents in 6-9 years (we can't agree on the exact time length) until yesterday. 15 minutes before my new employee was due to arrive (can i get a whoop-whoop for new team member Carrie? now i'm only 1.5 people down) i get the call that mom is in the hospital. I managed to get a hold of her expecting to have her be a little disoriented and pissed off that her roommate called 911. I was horrified that she was confused, incoherent and barely knew what was going on around her; she described things that weren't at all like what we are used to experiencing. It really seemed like she might have had a stroke. Terrified doesn't begin to describe me yesterday. Testing and a bit of time later we know that it probably was a series of grand mal seizures (which she's never had before) brought on by a medication imbalance. How is that possible? you ask. She's so vigilant with her medication, you point out. Yes, yes she is. Turns out that the last set of medication she got was generic. But generic drugs are the same as the name brands, you say. That's what i said to her neurologist last night. His response "That's not always true, especially with anti-convulsives." ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!! So let me get this straight: the generic equivalent of Claritin is the same even though if it wasn't the worst thing that could happen would be scratchy eyes, runny nose and congestion, but the generic equivalent of Lamectal (sp?) ISN'T really equivalent even though the worst thing that could happen would be someone has a seizure while driving, killing themselves and a busload of nuns and puppies? How is this allowable???? How is this okay???? How is it that we didn't know about this???? What if my mommy didn't have a roommate? What if she hadn't been at home? What if she had been operating heavy machinery? It is scary enough knowing that your body doesn't work right on its own, but how can any of us be at ease when the medication we rely on to LIVE might not be right?!? Do these drug companies know how dangerous seizures can be? Do they know how much 2 days in the hospital costs? Do they have ANY IDEA how long it will take her to fully recover from this episode? Do they understand how hard she has worked to get back to a normal life after her breakup with my dad? Do they have any clue how demoralizing this is for all involved? Do they just not care? I am thankful that it wasn't worse. I'm thankful this isn't some new affliction (we hope and pray). I am thankful that this can probably be fixed relatively easily. I am thankful that there doesn't appear to be any permanent damage (that we can detect, yet). But I am still pissed : so overwhelmingly pissed that i don't really know what to do with all of this anger. I really don't know what to do. I want to scream. I want to break things. I'm so damned angry. Instead i will be a rational adult; i will go to the gym to sweat out some of the negativity, eat something comforting and bad for me and start researching this to see if i can make a positive difference. (but i really want to punch something)

overkill

I bought something on the internet over the weekend and at the end of the transaction the confirmation page came up just like you would expect. However, my confirmation number was 00120080819124208932. Really? I was ordering from Musician's Friend; you can not convince me that they have had 1.2 quintillion orders. Are ALL of those numbers really necessary? We need to simplify, people.

Dangit!

I've finally done it. I am always really careful about my picture files; I am still a bit hesitant about them since there is no physical negative to store. But i also hate having 10 bajillion pictures on my memory card or my computer. So once something is on my computer I clear off my memory card. And once an image is on a blog or sent to Shutterfly i clear it from my computer. The system had worked for nearly 2 years. Until last night. I just realized that i thought the pictures from Rob's last day were on my computer so i cleared them from the memory card and they aren't on my computer. DANG! I really wanted those pictures; they were good pictures. They were the last pictures i had of Rob and the team. Dang, dang, dang. Stupid digital-no-negatives-too-easy-to-throw-away-images camera, stupid flawed system, stupid faulty memory. Is there any way to find images "erased" from memory cards, like things aren't really totally "gone" from your hard drive? Anyone?