being an adult sucks

Family, whether blood or choice, gather for events.
When you are all the same age -like school friends- you tend to mark the passing of major life changes around the same time as each other: several years of graduations, several years of weddings, several years of babies.
Tomorrow is the first funeral among my college friends (Kurt's doesn't really count because we were still so young).
Bruce lost his valiant fight against melanoma.
I certainly pray that this isn't the beginning of a trend,
but it is a mile marker.
We are middle-aged.
In our heads we are all still kids, but the truth is that disease is more likely to reach out, our bodies are more likely to betray us.
That's a fricking slap in the face.
In between doing 4 shows in Virginia today i traded calls and texts trying to arrange getting to the funeral in South Carolina tomorrow afternoon. The plans became more and more elaborate until i finally realized that for everything to come together, i wouldn't sleep for three nights. Not that i couldn't go three nights in a row, but mayhaps that it is a poor decision.
I want to see my friends, want to connect with them and share this loss. I want to hold Julie's hand, knowing that there is nothing in the world i can say to ease her pain, but BE there as a solid presence beside her.
Instead i am taking the safe option, the keep-myself-healthy option, the i'm-sure-that-i-will-regret-this-later-but-it-seems-wise-now option.
And that decision, more than any number of years, makes me feel old and i hate it.
Rest in Peace, Johara Trebb.
Your quick smile and easy humor made me feel safe when i was so far from home.