for anyone who trips over air

I am clumsy.
There is no way around the truth: i bang into things. A lot.
Mostly i am not really awkward, except when dancing and then watch out for the flailing.
It's not like i have long, gangly limbs that i can't control getting in my way and tripping me up or that i lack confidence in myself and end up bumbling about.
Quite the contrary.
Poised and self-assured, completely in control of my faculties, i walk right into things.
And trip over things.
And scrape across things.
And fall down.
It is like an affliction, people.
My brain and my body are just slightly out of synch. I know that i need to walk through the doorway and turn down the hall, but my brain does it faster than my body so that by the time i reach the door my brain is already thinking about going down the hall so i turn a split second too early and smack right into the post.
All of this happens in milliseconds without me being consciously aware it. That is, unaware of it until my hip checks the wood. Owwwww
It has taken me years to figure out the problem.
Folks would helpfully suggest that i pay more attention to my surroundings, but i thought i was.
This tiny body lag is also why i drop words out of sentences when i am writing and interrupt people when they are talking, which is super annoying for my grammar checker and anyone trying to maintain a conversation with me.
Everyone naturally has body lag, of course. Neural impulses travel faster than muscles can contract. But not everyone is clumsy.
I feel like i am somehow physically lagging much further behind my mind than most people. Hence the tripping over the same rug that has been in the same place for years or hitting my toe on the bed leg even though i know exactly where it is.
I am fine as long as i concentrate only on locomoting. And i do mean concentrate.
Don't laugh at me when i go down stairs one step at a time like a toddler, clutching the banister or walls like we are experiencing an earthquake because no matter how ridiculous and feeble i might look, i know that if my concentration slips even for a moment, down i will tumble.
Why am i sharing all of this?
It is Thesaurus Thursday and i have stumbled upon (rimshot) the perfect adjective for me:
 aclumsed.
Why did this gem ever become defunct?
Aclumsed sounds way cooler than clumsy; it is more refined and less clunky, but none the less is still covered in mystery bruises. Like me.
Aclumsed really hits home the sense of  the clumsiness being forced upon one like a curse or a Christmas fruitcake.
Let's bring aclumsed  back into the vernacular so that we can at least sound cool while laying in that puddle.