Wow, that's purple

I tend to be verbose - which is the kind way that i refer to my own excessive chattiness. I love words, be they spoken or written. I have been known to seriously over-write things and use a lot of embellishments: i was a yearbook editor for goodness sakes; i know flowery language. But great mamba-jamba I have never seen prose like the stuff created by PR firms. Last night I needed to go shopping for tambourines so i did a little research on-line before i went to the store. Listen to this: In high volume situations, Rhythm Tech's upgraded stainless steel jingles are a quantum leap forward that will take you to a whole new level. The Pro is also available with brass jingles that create a warm, funky, chunkier sound. "... a quantum leap forward..." ? How far can you go with tambourines? Apparently to "... a whole new level." What level? you ask. Who knows. "...a warm, funky, chunkier sound." hmmmmm... i'm pretty sure tambourine sounds should never be described as "chunky" : rhythm guitars are chunky, bass guitars are chunky, horns are chunky, soup is chunky, my hips are chunky, but tambourines are NOT chunky. For Pete's sake they are called jingles : that pretty much describes the sound. It gets better: The Handle - ahh, no pain. Completely redesigned by two design firms that specialize in designing handles and grips for sporting goods, medical devices and tools to develop a uniquely easy-to-hold tambourine handle. The shape, width, length and circumference of this handle were designed using over 200 measurement points of eight different human hand sizes and proportions. The handle feels great, but also controls the instrument better so that less effort is required to play. 1. how painful are tambourines normally? 2. it took 2 firms to redesign a tambourine handle? 3. there are 200 measurement points on the human hand? 4. how can it take less effort to play? Don't you just hit it? Someone got paid a lot of money to write these descriptions. I bet it was a LOT of money. I am in the wrong profession.