I was in Florida visiting my dad recently. The weather was cold and overcast for Florida, but on the last two days the sun came out and i was able to take some golfcart constitutionals.
I love to figure out the new trends in yard art. One year it was ceramic snails; another year it was large Mexican-style painted pots. It was rather disappointing that this year there was no obvious new trend. I mean people had replaced or added new yard art certainly, but it was your standard animals, gnomes and super creepy kid statues (man, i really don't like those).
But then - HAZZAH!- i spotted what has become my favorite piece ever:
What is with the hyper-casual Hey Baby pose?
This is a reptile that is completely at ease and mayhaps a bit cocky.
And the mug? I'm sure we are supposed to think it is coffee, but look at his sorta self-satisfied expression: if that is coffee, it's Irish coffee, but i'm guessing it is probably the first Black Russian of the day.
Are you wondering if his eyes are halogen bulbs that light up the night? I think we both know the answer to that question.
I have never seen this piece before, but he literally made me hit the brakes - and you never have to use the brakes on a golfcart. I had to turn around to go home and get my camera (i know, why was i out on a constitutional without my camera? i just don't have an answer for that). In the time it took me to get the camera and get back i had figured out his entire life story:
Lyle is that one friend you have that has always been kinda smarmy, but you like him anyway; maybe it's his easy charm or infectious laugh.
Yes, he always hits on the waitress when you go out (he still calls them waitresses, not servers), but he's all talk.
Underneath his veneer of tooth veneers and body spray beats a heart of gold.
He retired to Florida from his job as a disc jockey. After being the morning guy for years in Paloma and then the drive time guy for years in Park City and then the 6-10 guy for even more years in San Diego, the bigwigs tried to move his show to overnight and Lyle knew it was time to hang up his headphones and get out of the game.
Years ago he was married to a great gal, but with his schedule and devotion to the airwaves, plus being so young when they got hitched right after junior college, they just couldn't make the relationship work. He gets a birthday and a Festivus card every year from Linda and her second husband, Smitty; they're happily retired in Palm Springs.
There might be up to 150 of his progeny in the world, but none of them ever call; he doesn't even know how many of them survived hatching. But that was just the way with his generation of males, you let the female lay the eggs in the grass while you went about your business.
Golf courses are his favorite hangout these days, basking in the sun and working on his short game. In the evenings you can often find Lyle with his friends enjoying cocktails and playing Mah Jong for low money stakes and bragging rights.
It's a good life; just look at his smile.
This is Croc-n-Lyle. Don't touch that dial, cause after a word from our sponsors we'll be back in style, rocking the Nile.