Tuesday, June 21, 2011

mental doughnut

After 18 years of performing, I am really comfortable on stage.
In fact, the only time i get nervous at all is when i premier something brand new.
Unfortunately, i get really, really, really nervous - panicky, sweaty nervous.
It only lasts until the show actually starts; once i'm talking i'm fine, but it is uncomfortable up until that point.
On Thursday, i premier the new summer theater program at work and i can already feel some butterflies emerging from their coccoons in my tummy.
Perhaps it is because there is one experiment that i still haven't been able to get 100% right.
Perhaps it is because there is a prop that i still need to build, but i don't have a key to the shop.
Perhaps it is because i am suppossed to train someone that i just met yesterday on the show tomorrow, but i don't know him or have any idea what our chemistry will be like on stage and the key to the success of the show is the chemistry between the presenters.
Perhaps it is because after the training, he won't even be at the premier; on Thursday i am literally going to do both sides of the show with an adult safety partner so i still won't know what the correct timing should be.
Perhaps it is because i directed and staged this show so if it sucks there is no one to blame but myself.
Perhaps it is because i lost my To Do list while i was just shopping at WalMart (it was in my pocket, then not; where could it have gone?).
Whatever the reason i am now officially starting to freak out.
Therefore, this week's quote will be about me not defeating myself; it comes from 12 Sharp, one of Janet Evanovitch's fabulous Stephanie Plum books. This character is truly the most unlikely heroine of all time; it is amazing that she even survives through the books since she is completely ill-equipped to be a bounty hunter. Whenever she and her sidekick -a former hooker who is addicted to fried chicken- get stressed out they visit the bakery, but in this quote she is flipping out by herself and can't leave to get to pastries:
Okay, take a deep breath, i told myself. Don't go all hormonal. Get the facts straight. Have a mental doughnut.
The first time i read it, i laughed myself silly.
Even more silly, however, is that it works.
I repeat those words to myself, imagine a lovely cruller or glazed vanilla cream and use the time it would take to eat it to gather my thoughts and breathe.
Ridiculous, but right now any little bit helps.

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